you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
