I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
