I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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