It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
