I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
