remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
