It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
