In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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