I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
