You made me cry and you don't even care
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
