note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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