I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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