Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
