I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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