I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My life is pants optional.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
