some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize