I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
