a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
so much tequila, so little girl.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
