Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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