you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize