I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
