Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
