I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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