also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
