So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
