she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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