we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
