Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize