dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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