Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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