I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
