thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
