I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
