Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
