So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
