Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
