This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
