How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
