does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
