Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
