I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
