bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
