Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
