brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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