He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
