roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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