69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
