I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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