..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
