Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
