it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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