the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
