the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
