If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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