if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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