He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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