Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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