I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
