And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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