come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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