There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
