The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did I show you my penis last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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