I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
