I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
