I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
