I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
