Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
