Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
