Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
