i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
