I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
